imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
