you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
