You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
