I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
