Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
