I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
