I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
