I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I got chris browned last night
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
