How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
