New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
