I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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