omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
