im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
