The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
