Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
