Tell her she can't have a vagina
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
