she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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