were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
