Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
