Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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