that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
COCAINE IS GR8
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
