so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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