I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
