Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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