i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
