you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
