I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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