someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
