guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
