Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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