It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Randomize
