my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
