I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
