Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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