Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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