Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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