Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
