he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
