Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
