so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
