Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
