apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
