he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
