There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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