i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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