I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
