i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
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