It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Randomize
