Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
