I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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