I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
