I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
