I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
