I faked an abortion last night.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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